24 Hours On The Radio
5am. "Cheryl?" No response. Ford gives a puzzled look at his wrist communicator, it has survived battles in Tartarus, a literal brush with Death... surely it's still working? "Cheryl?" In exactly the same tone as the first time. Finally a muffled response. "Yes sir-" "Ford" "Mmf Ford... yes?" "Just calling to say I'm about to get in the hot springs behind the house, I can't sleep. If anyone's looking for me, could you direct them there?" "Yes Sir, can do." "Wait. Cheryl? Don't worry about it. I feel like a couple of hours undisturbed. I'm gonna go sit in the hot springs and watch the sun come up." "Ok, I'll have those proposals for the..." Cheryl trailed off and Ford figured she must be sleepy or something, after all by some people's standards it was actually quite late. 9am. "Sir?" No response. 11 am. "Sir?" No response. 2pm. "Sir?" "Oh hi Cheryl, did you send over this coffee with... Suzanne, was it? Hey thanks Suzanne, sorry about the no pants thing." "Uhm." "It's cool Cheryl, I guess I'd fallen asleep at the kitchen table or something, going over some documents -Twin Ninjas 2: The Dragoning is gonna be great!- , Suzanne came around the back to give me my coffee and she got some Accidental Reverse Porky's action going on because I guess my towel fell off when I got up to say thanks for the coffee. Oddly, I am wearing a t-shirt though, I don't remember putting that on. Odder, it's not mine." "Sir-" "Ford! Oh, hold on, it's Kat's. Awwww. Do you think she struggled me into it when she found me passed out at the kitchen table? Isn't that adorable? Why didn't she put one of my own t-shirts on me though? Well, we're not gonna quibble are we? Anyway, hey, what were we talking about? How are you Cheryl?" "I'm fine Sir, I've had some requests for meetings. Would you like to hear them?" "Shoot. Hey… haha, this t-shirt is TINY!" "Mrs Lundegaard. Mrs Hendrickson. Mrs Lewis. Mrs Francetti. A gentleman named Jupiter. Mr Wilson from the lumberyard said he'd like to meet and discuss your bulk rates since you're so busy these days. I've had several requests for meetings with Bleak Hall's casting agent too sir." "Oh... well... who is Bleak Hall's casting agent?" "I don't know, sir." "Me neither. I think it should be me. I love choosing people for stuff! Cheryl, write that down please." "Yes sir. If you could be at your office after your Rainbow Rhythms practice ends, I'll have the meetings come by from five thirty, that should give you time for your 'Ford And Troy Share A Slushy And Talk about Space and Other Stuff' half-hour that you had me add to your diary for every Wednesday for the next four years." "Excellent, thank you Cheryl. Oh and Cheryl? Find out about jeans. Where to get them in town. Or can we order some? Do you know my size? I'm not sure. Kat probably knows. It's funny the things you forget, right? Ok that's all for now?" "Yes sir." 5.52pm. "Cheryl." "Yes sir?" "Mrs Lundegaard is having some really terrible problems with vandals, I’ve been out to her place three times in the past two weeks to repair the drains outside. Could you remind me to have Hawkeye keep an eye on her place for a few nights?” “Yes sir. Anything else?” “Lemme think. Did I already ask you to source some pants for me?” “Yes. I’ve made some enquiries, the fashion students have said they would be delighted to make you a whole wardrobe if you would tell people they are ‘hip.’ Otherwise, I’ve procured catalogues from major denim manufacturers and I can bring those over later if you like.” “Hip? Aw, that’s sweet. Would that be corrupt if I accepted that deal? Ok, tell you what, tell them to make me some stuff, I’ll owe them a favour. I don’t really need a whole wardrobe so just a few things. I hate to turn anybody down, Cheryl.” “I know sir. Oh, and Jean-Ralphio cornered me in the hallway and has asked me to tell you his man in Europe sent him some cologne named ‘Remorseless’ and he’d like to get together with you later and try it out.” “Ok, I can do that, I’m gonna get in some hammock time now, send him by?” “Yes sir.” “Oh and Cheryl, could you have someone bring me a sandwich? And some coffee? And some pie? And maybe some weed. Also a surprise.” “Yes sir.” 7.24 PM “Cheryl.” There’s some splashing sounds that accompany Cheryl’s delayed and somewhat hurried “Sir.” “Cheryl? Where are you? Are you at the pool or something?” “I’m in the tub sir.” “Oh! Cool. Love the tub myself. Anyway, what was I calling you about- oh do you have bubble bath?” “Yes sir.” “Great! What kind? I like bath bombs. Do they exist in this time?” “I’m afraid I don’t know sir.” The sound of hurried splashing “Do you want me to find out now?” “Cheryl! You sit down, get back in that tub. Don’t worry about the bath bomb situation. Thanks for the surprise by the way, I have been playing with that Slinky all evening! Wait, I had a reason for calling you. Oh yeah ok I totally remember, Jupiter and me were just having our meeting, I’d like you to order a box of Cuban cigars for my office, I’d like to surprise him. What else… Oh yeah, I’ve decided I’m going to draw the initial illustrations for Bleak Hall films logo, could you look into getting some animators for me?” “Yes Sir, right away-” “No! Stay in the tub. Later.” 11.47pm “Cheryl?” More splashing followed by a “Yes sir?” “Holy shit are you still in the tub? That’s amazing! I like a long soak myself.” “You said stay in the tub sir, I hate to disappoint you. I was concerned you would call and I would be out of the tub and you’d think I hadn’t taken your words to heart.” “Cheryl, you’re a wonderful assistant. You can get out of the tub now. Listen, I’ve got to start figuring out Christmas Presents for Study Group and everybody, I’m going to need you extra-alert for any gift possibilities I may stumble across in the month of December, can you do that?” “Yes sir, Christmas Gifts sir.” “Good. Oh, write this down. Maritime Trampoline. Not much use til Spring… but I’d like to have one ready to go whenever the time comes. Look into that for me, could you?” “Yes sir. Would it need to be a permanent structure?” “That’s an excellent question. I feel like the answer is no. I want it to be portable… something we could take on The Rio! Wait, wait, wait. We have to take it to New Angelinos. Are you getting this? Good. Ok and oh, yeah, a rug. I want a really nice rug for a friend, find out about rug options for me?” “Yes sir. Have you eaten dinner? Do you need anything?” “No, thank you. You’re too good to me Cheryl, you really are. Wait. Actually yes, if you could send someone over with maybe a nice cheeseburger, that would be lovely.” 1.17am “Cheryl? Do you ever think about what it would be like if people treated hope as a living part of themselves rather than an abstract thing outside themselves, a thing to feel or look at when the correct mood strikes? I guess what I’m saying is, imagine people treated hope as a part of themselves as important as their health, their weight, their mental health, their finances? They’d maintain it, you know, and if a friend seemed low on hope they’d treat that as seriously as if that friend had gotten sick, they’d start working on ways to get some hope back in their life. Is that just silly?” “…I don’t know, Sir. That doesn’t sound silly to me.” “Thanks Cheryl.” 2.37am “Cheryl?” “Mm. Fhmm. Ford. Sir.” “Were you asleep?” “No sir, just resting my eyes.” “I’d like you to track down some books on Greek Myth. Actually, maybe just bulk order a lot of mythology books, anything the library doesn’t have, then donate them to the library in college. And uh… if you could… pay particular attention to any books that have genealogical tables -all pantheons, but uh, maybe with an emphasis on anything Greek or Irish or Abrahamic- that’d be good.” “Yessir. Got that.” 2.42am “Cheryl?” “Yes Sir?” “Could you do something for me?” “Of course sir, what is it?” “Could you go to the vending machine and get me a can of DR Pepper please?” “Of course sir. Right away sir.” 2.44am “Ford?” “Yes Cheryl?” “Did you leave that course schedule for this week showing I have tomorrow off, tucked into that hamper with champagne, treats, bath salts and a copy of Love Story on VHS outside my door?” “I did. Take tomorrow off, soak, watch that movie even though as you know, I feel Ali McGraw is a dreadful actor.” “Yes sir. All day?” “Well, you can spend as long in the tub as you want or don’t want, but you’ve got the day to yourself, dig?” “Yes sir. Thank you sir.” “Oh and Carol?” “Yes sir?” “Goodnight sweetie.” “Goodnight, Ford.” Back to Stories Of The Metalverse